A Doll on the Beach
by aficionada-de-libros
Summary: Maybe he should just go home, try to get some sleep, focus on the next step. Whatever that was. - Danny tries to deal with the fallout of the custody case. AU ending and tag to 3x14 Hana I Wa'Ia. Rating for a reason. Oneshot.


**_A/N: AU ending and tag to 3x14 Hana I Wa'Ia. Unapologetic exercise in cathartic writing for an upsetting experience which I had to get out of my system.  
I have taken some liberties with the court docket thing. Where I live, most court dockets are accessible to the public – with the exception of the family court, as far as I know. Still, I could imagine that a Governor has access to such information *waving creative licence*_**

**_Warnings: Not a happy story. Mention of suicidal thoughts. Rated T for subject matter and some mild language._**

**_Disclaimer: A few lines are direct quotes from the episode (you'll know which), and the copyright for that lies with the writers. I own nothing as far as CBS's Hawaii 5-0 is concerned. Parts of the story, though, reflect an actual event._**

**A Doll on the Beach**

It wasn't until much later that Steve realised Danny had never rejoined them after taking his phone call. When he did, his heart skipped a beat. With this day's general mayhem, he had almost – not quite, but almost – forgotten about Danny's custody case, but his gut told him this was what Danny's strange disappearing act was all about.

Governor Denning must have picked up on the momentary change in Steve's demeanour, since he suddenly leaned forward in his chair and, out of the blue, asked, "Wasn't Detective Williams' custody hearing this morning?" Boy, had it only been this morning? And when had the man become so perceptive?

Steve looked puzzled. "Yes, Sir, it was", he replied slowly. Question was, how come Denning knew about it?

The Governor smiled a little. "Oh, come on, Commander, give me some credit. I do care about the well-being of my task force members. Besides, I read the court docket. I like to know what's going on in our courthouse. And Detective Williams' name sort of jumped at me."

Steve nodded, unsure where this was going.

For a moment, Denning studied the worried face of his task force leader. "I'd better get going. There's a game on tonight that I'd hate to miss. Please be sure to pass on my regards to Detective Williams. I hope all turns out well for him." And with that, the Governor was gone.

Suddenly Steve couldn't wait another second to find out what had transpired on Danny's part, so he made a beeline to his house. Phone in hand, he blindly pressed speed dial #1 for Danny. If Cath ever found out about that, he'd never hear the end of it. Then he heard Danny's phone ringing. Loud and clear. On his kitchen counter.

H50H50H50

_"If they take her away from me, I'm jumping off a cliff TODAY." _He just knew Danny's words would come back to haunt him. They weren't an emotional exaggeration spawned by the tension of the moment. They weren't part of a typical Danny rant. No. Steve knew that Danny had simply stated a fact. And the way Danny had kept glancing away from him when he tried to reassure his best friend told him that the other man didn't believe him. Granted, _"Hey, that's not gonna happen" _was a lame-ass excuse for reassurance. If the roles had been reversed, he wouldn't have been convinced either, first and foremost because there was just no way of knowing. The decision about Grace and Danny's custodial fate lay exclusively with the judge. Whom Steve had managed to annoy within less than fifteen seconds. That was a new personal record.

Standing in his kitchen, clutching Danny's phone as if he could squeeze precious information out of the gadget, Steve forced himself to think. Preferably in a logical manner. There was little doubt in his mind that the phone call had brought bad news about Grace for Danny. (And the fact that he accessed the incoming calls list and recognised the number of Danny's lawyer had _absolutely nothing _to do with this educated guess. Nope.) Steve had to find him, and quickly, before he made good on this morning's promise.

The Camaro was gone from the driveway, so Danny had a motorised head start of about an hour. Steve briefly contemplated getting HPD involved, but decided against it, since he didn't have valid grounds for such an operation. Danny had chewed his head off last time he, quote, "went into overkill mode because of a HUNCH, Rambo?!", unquote, add corresponding "tone". And, yes, Steve had apparently learned from that unpleasant experience, since he was exhibiting utter restraint at the moment.

So it was just Chin, Kono and him. _Family business._

H50H50H50

If someone asked him where he parked his car, he wouldn't know. He had just _driven_ after the phone call had ended. Come to think of it, he didn't even know where he left his phone. Not that he cared.

Now he was wandering aimlessly along the beach. Most people had gone home for dinner; just a few dog walkers, joggers and surfers were left in the warm evening sun. Had he been able to muster the energy, he might have found it ironic that he had gone to the _beach_ of all places to find … yeah, to find what, exactly? Solace? Distraction?

Shoes in one hand, the other hand shoved in his pocket, he stopped and turned to face the water. He should have gone through with the jumping-off-a-cliff thing, he mused. No mess to clean up, and, given the right spot, not even a body to recover, considering the strong currents in some places. To just fade away … no more fights, no more pain.

Giving himself a mental shake, he forcibly pulled himself away from this dark train of thought. There was no way he could do that to Grace, or his _ohana_. No, dying was not an option. He wasn't sure, though, if living was.

Sighing, he pulled his hand out of his pocket, running it through his dishevelled hair. Maybe he should just go home, try to get some sleep, focus on the next step. Whatever that was.

Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, something caught his attention, something lying on the beach near the water. Walking towards the white lump on the sand, he wondered if this really was what he thought it was. Sure enough, it was. A small baby doll with a once-white rag body and no clothes. It was lying face down, small waves playing around the tiny plastic fingers that were barely touching the sand. He squatted down next to it, placing his shoes on the ground and gently picking it up. It looked a lot like the one Grace used to have when she was little.

He turned it over in his hands, regarding it closely. It was soggy but nice and completely intact, with a beautiful, delicate face and blue eyes. What was such a nice baby doll doing here, lying discarded on the beach? He got up, his hand still cradling the head of the doll, and scanned the beach. Surely a child had lost it, or forgot it after playing down by the water. With a sad smile he remembered what had happened when Grace's baby doll Anna had gone missing one evening after a visit at Danny's parents' house. His three-year-old girl was inconsolable, crying for a solid hour while the adults scrambled through the house looking for the beloved toy. He also remembered Rachel's disgusted expression when Rusty, the family mutt, had brought it in from the garden, all slobbery but otherwise unharmed. But before she could let the doll disappear in a plastic bag in order to put it in the washing machine at home, Grace had come running, squealing in delight. She had grabbed her Anna, clutching her to her chest and showering her with kisses. Dancing through the kitchen in boundless joy over the safe return of her greatest treasure, Grace had hugged everyone, including Rusty, evenly distributing dog slobber on every human and animal present.

Blinking back tears, Danny's gaze fell on a family on the far side of the beach, sitting at the bottom of some rocks in the warm sand. He spotted two women – probably mother and daughter – and two children, a toddler playing with some sand toys and a baby in a stroller.

Doll in hand, Danny slowly made his way over to them. When he got closer, he noticed the unsure looks the younger woman gave him. Granted, a grown man with a baby doll in one hand and a pair of shoes in the other probably wasn't the most reassuring sight, given that said man obviously didn't belong to their family. A few feet away, Danny stopped. "Hello there", he said with a friendly smile. "Did you by any chance lose this doll down by the water?" He held up the item in question, holding the doll by the neck.

After a moment of hesitation, the younger woman slowly replied, "Yeah … I left it there."

Danny's face fell and his hand with the doll flopped down to his side. "Oh … I see. Well then … okay." He looked at the woman, looked at the doll, looked at the two oblivious children. _She had LEFT it there. She had left the doll by the water, and the children didn't even seem to miss it. _Suddenly Danny felt like crying.

With a non-committal nod he stepped away from the family. _She had **left** it there._ For a few seconds, he stared at the baby doll in his hand. For a few seconds he contemplated taking it home.

_No_, he decided. _Maybe they'll change their minds. _Stepping up to the rocks, he gently, tenderly, placed the baby doll on the sun-warmed surface. It took a few attempts to get it sitting up because of the floppy, soggy body … and because his hands were shaking so badly. With a last, wistful look at the delicate face with the blue eyes he turned around and strode back to the water.

H50H50H50

He didn't know what he had expected, but _this _was certainly not it. Steve had arrived just in time to see the heartbreaking scene play out. It was obvious that Danny hadn't noticed him, but he had seen every hesitant move, heard every word of the poignant dialogue. When Danny turned and all but ran back down the beach, Steve snapped out of his trance-like state and started to follow him, but not without shooting a murderous look at the indifferent young mother.

He still didn't know what had happened at the family court or why Danny's lawyer had called. Chin had managed to locate the Camaro fairly quickly, thanks to the car's GPS signal. Once Steve had found the car parked on a lot near the beach, and spotted its owner alive and … okay, not well, but at least not physically injured, down by the water, he had called Chin and Kono, thanking them for their help and promising them to keep them posted.

Now he followed his best friend across the beach, unable to close the distance between them despite his long legs and determined stride. Not wanting to spook Danny, he slowed down for the last few steps, also taking time to assess the other man's mood.

He didn't have to guess long. Danny just stood there, feet in the water, shoes dropped down next to him, head hung low, one hand covering his eyes, the other balled into a tight fist and tucked under the opposite elbow.

Wordlessly Steve placed himself next to him and put his arm around Danny's shoulders. Hitched breath turned into outright sobbing and Steve's heart clenched painfully in his chest. When Danny finally spoke in a low, broken voice, Steve almost flinched. "_She can't leave the island. She cannot leave the island."_

Now Steve was honestly confused. "What … I don't understand?"

Drawing a deep but shuddering breath, Danny explained: "Everything stays the same. Rachel and Grace stay in Hawaii, I keep my visitation rights." His voice was flat, disappointed, even.

"But … you … why …" Try as he might, Steve couldn't string a coherent sentence together. If Grace was staying on the island and nothing was changing in Danny's visitation rights, why weren't they sitting somewhere celebrating the victory?

"It's not enough." That, of course, made perfect sense to Steve … because it wasn't.

"It's not enough. It's not right. I didn't sign up for this." Cold fear gripped Steve's heart as Danny's words from this morning again echoed in his memory, in blaring, merciless stereo, and he tightened his hold around his best friend's shoulders.

"I can't go on like this", Danny whispered in abject misery.

"I want my life back."


End file.
